The Back-Up Plan

After years of dating and not finding Mr. Right, Zoe, decides to take matters into her own hands and has herself artificially inseminated. As she leaves the doctors office after the procedure, low and behold, Mr. Right shows up.

Painful. Can I even go into the details of how horrid this film is? No there is too much, let me sum up:

• Cliché
• Corny
• Characterless
• Clumsy
• Callow
• Crude
• Churlish

And those are just the c’s.

If you were considering going to see this movie – you need a back-up plan.


* Not-A-Chance

Rated PG-13 (for sexual content and crude language)

Oceans

This second chapter in the Disney Nature series is a look at the odd creatures that live in that large body of water that covers close to three-fourths of the earths' surface – The Ocean.

Well let’s see. It was interesting I suppose, although not nearly as entertaining as its predecessor. Unlike Earth, which followed the stories of three separate species, this episode seemed to lack that narrative storyline. Pierce Brosnans’ solemn voice-over seemed to be more like he was reading an abstract poem about the ocean while we watched random nature clips. The pacing was horrifically off as well, so much so, that I doubt small children would be engaged enough to make it through the one hour and forty three minute ode.

Nevertheless, it is visually stunning and if you are going to see it, it must be done on the big screen.

** ½ Theatres Must Be Used

Rated G (nature violence)

Kick-Ass

A high school teenager wonders why no one has ever tried to be a superhero. He buys a suit and begins patrolling the neighborhood looking for ways to stop crime. His first attempt leaves him stabbed, beaten, and naked. As he continues his endeavors, mostly in hopes of impressing a girl, he once again finds himself outmanned and out-skilled. Nevertheless his pitiful efforts have inspired a subculture of copy cat vigilantes.

In the movies there is this mysterious little thing called tone. Say it with me – TONE. Kick Ass missed the boat on tone. One might say tone deaf. This attempt at combining Superbad with Pulp Fiction does not mix well – you know like oil and water, it just doesn’t work. The balance is gauche and slightly uncomfortable. Granted there are some funny moments, you’ve all seen them in the commercials, but the story in general jumps back and forth between two genres that never come together in a cohesive satirical way that is able to make fun of itself.

It is jarring and unnerving as it catapults the characters back and forth between teenage angst and acutely graphic mature violence. Again this is not Kill Bill, with over the top, cartoonish exasperated action. It is not a satire. The audience seemed unwilling to be pulled into the comedy because they were constantly on edge waiting for the next blood bath.

Awkward.

** Rentable

Rated R (for language, violence, blood and gore)

The Joneses

The Jones family moves into a posh community to show the local residents everything that they are missing out on. From the hippest styles to latest techno trends, the fastest cars to the most exquisite food, the Joneses have it all. Their job is to make everyone else want it.

Talk about the power of marketing. This movie was so bitterly cynical. I loved it. The wonderful manipulative world of marketing is shown at its darkest level, our friends. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed watching the villainous advertising take on the neighborhood. Granted I was disappointed in the ending – all I will say about that is that the finale didn’t go with the delectably disparaging tone of the rest of the flick, but I suppose that even with that flaw I am still willing to buy… and sell this product.

*** Must See

Rated R (for language and sexual content)

Date Night

A New Jersey couple worried that their marriage is in trouble, brought down by the daily drudgery of work and child care attempt to reignite the spark by going to a hip new restaurant in Manhattan. They don’t have a reservation and hope to be able to just slip in. When their plan seems to bomb they step out of their boring lives and slyly take the reservation of “the Triplehorns.” Chaos ensues when they get more than they bargained for from their new assumed identity.

Hmmmmm. I really wanted to like this movie. I really did, but… not so much. It was corny and predictable. The characters were flat and not endearing. The running gags got overused and became annoying.

These are two hilarious character actors that are forced to spend the entire time getting laughs from weak slap stick and over the top action instead of clever dialogue or quirky character traits.

It has some funny moments but overall it was a tad disappointing.

** Rentable

Rated PG-13 (for sexual content, language, and violence)

How to Train Your Dragon

Hiccup is a young blacksmith whose father is the leader of an island full of dragon-slaying vikings. Slaying dragons is life on this island, and the dragons are becoming too much. The skinny, clumsy Hiccup hasn't quite caught on to dragon-slaying, much to the dismay of his demanding, cold father. But all is turned upside down when young Hiccup happens to catch the deadliest, elusive and most ruthless dragon of all, the Night Flurry.

Bravo, Dreamworks bravo! This in my opinion is Dreamworks best animated film they've ever done. It really has a lot of heart to it, something Pixar nails every time and Dreamworks has been hit and miss with. This is better than Over the Hedge, Shrek and Kung Fu Panda, which in my opinion have been Dreamworks best efforts to date. The characters are very lovable in this movie, especially the lead dragon character "Toothless". The animation is well crafted, clever and full of so much character, you immediately love the dragon. I'd say it's right up there with other great speechless-creature performances such as E.T., King Kong and Walle. The animators obviously studied a lot of animals (particularly their house cats) to bring him to life, just a lot of fun too watch. The human characters are also well crafted, very likable and fun to watch. The production quality is as high as any CGI film to date. The detail and artistry in the characters, sets and overall design is just awesome. The musical score is also very good. I really enjoyed this movie, it's what animation is all about; bringing fantastical characters, stories and places to life in an entertaining and engaging way. Fun stuff.

**** out of 4 - Must See (PG for some violence)

Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans! Mankind is fed up with the gods treatment of them and wages war on Mt. Olympus. Zeus strikes back by unleashing Hades creations. The only hope for man against Hades and his giant beast, the Cracken is a demi-god named Persius, the half-man half-god son of Zeus.

This is a remake of the 1981 film that was full of Ray Harryhausen's classic creatures and stop-motion animation. I'm a little offended such a big creature classic is kicking off the awesome Summer movie season in late March, but oh well I guess it only extends that fun time of year. So, besides loving Ray Harryhausen's animation and being very scared of Medusa, I don't remember too much from the original movie. This version does a good job of updating what I remember being fun about the original; the various beasts and creatures, fun action and fantastical worlds (Although some animation/vfx/film buffs are offended Ray Harryhausen's work is being updated, especially Medusa, I think an update was in order with today's technology). The visual effects of the Cracken are really quite awesome and a lot of fun to watch, the climax is a lot of eye candy. Although I will say I feel like the orginal version's Medusa was a little more frightening, maybe the memory of it has been embelished over time. That said the new Medusa is pretty scary as well, and a fun sequence, she's just not quite as grotesque.

Where the new version fails to upgrade from the original is character development and story. The lead character, Persius is never quite likeable enough. I feel like they could've thrown in a few more scenes or dialogue that would endear the audience to him a little more and make us really root for him. Another issue I had is the way they set up Persius', his crew and their humanity-saving journey. It seemed they didn't emphasize the importance of what they were undertaking until they were halfway into their adventure. I also believe they cut out a few creature encounters from the original, which I remember liking a lot about the original; each new creature they encountered became increasingly difficult to defeat and stranger with each one. They just could have increased the "swash-buckling" feel of it. And lastly the Pegasus seemed almost completely waisted until the end of the film, they missed chances for a great love/hate, comedic dynamic with Pegasus and Persius, as well as some fun action sequence possibilities. But that said, it's a fun time at the movies and great visual effects eye candy on the big screen. For sure see it if you liked the original or love special fx, if not go ahead and Redbox it.

**1/2 out of 4 (PG-13 for violence and creature mayhem)

Repo Men

It is the near future and a company known simply as the Union has developed a way of creating artificial organs. People who are in need of new hearts, lungs, knee caps, livers, hips, esophagus’s, etc. go to the conglomerate and either put up the cash for the $600,000+ item or apply for credit and are charged outrageous amounts of interest, noting that if they are unable to pay, the “property” will be repossessed.

Oh my drama. This movie is so stupid. Indulge me here as I further point out the major hole of this flick. OK so Jude Law and Forest Whitaker work for the Union and run around town with remotes that they use to scan people looking for these “past due” organs that need to be repossessed. When they find them, they stun gun the person and then slice them open ala Jack the Ripper, and remove the organ. Take note that all of these organs are electronic. So, go with me on this, if technology has come far enough that we can track these organs down via remote, couldn’t they also just be turned off via remote? Thus eliminating the need to hire mass mercenaries to gruesomely slaughter the populace?

* Not-A-Chance

Rated R (for gore, violence, grisly images, language and sexuality)